Ryohei was helping me to the next station with my luggage (which was a lot, but also comparatively not all that much,) which was a huge rolling suitcase, a heavy duffel, and then my backpack and purse. Heavy, but not too bad. Because of this, I tried to restrain my tears as well as possible. Once, I my bus to take me to the airport started moving (because Ryohei stayed until it left) I just silently cried for a little while. I knew that I would miss this so much and we drove through the entire city it seemed like. I kept remembering all the things I did in all those places. It’s so melodramatic, but I just had such a wonderful experience and it felt cut short.

I went through all the motions at the airport. The man checking my passport asked if I was finished with school and I said yes. Then, he asked for my gai-jin card. He took it. The man. He took. My gai-jin card. NOOOOOOO!!!! I was devastated. Not my foreigner card that says I’m accepted here. Not that. Take anything else. I have presents. He at least could’ve punched a frickin’ hole in it and given it back to me. I wanted that thing. Then, walking to my gate I saw my friend Monika. I had the chance to say a last goodbye to her, so that was nice. Then, I had the chance to say a last goodbye to Jake who was at the gate practically right next to mine. That wasn’t all that fun. I watched him walk to his plane. It was one of those things that makes things somewhat final for my time here. This here and now, was over.

After this, to cheer myself up. I went and walked to see if there was sushi in the airport. And there was! Thank God. I had sashimi as my last meal in Japan and it was ridiculously expensive, but so delicious and worth it. No where else has sushi like that in the airport. Then, I went browsing through the gift stores on crack. They are obsessed with gifts, so I took advantage. I bought a pair of chopsticks for my mother and tried to refrain from much else, except for spending my change that doesn’t convert. I also haven’t converted the rest of my yen because the exchange rate is so bad. I’m waiting, holding onto it like gold to see if the value increases. Keep your fingers crossed.

Eventually I had to get on that plane. I thought a few days earlier I had changed my seat to an aisle seat, apparently I was mistaken. Yes, middle seat. Again. Score. Luckily, I was extremely exhausted so I passed out before the plane took off. I slept a lot of that flight, watched part of Iron Man 2, and then very impatiently waited for the plane to taxi in for a solid half hour. I hate that. But I made it to LA safe and sound after about 10 1/2 hours with the taxiing. (Although that word looks wrong, it is correct. I checked.) My family was there to greet me and I spent the day getting In-N-Out, on the beach, and at dinner. I didn’t sleep all day until the ride back from dinner at 10, where I passed out in the trunk of our rental car. Always classy.  But I had made it. I had yanked myself out of Japan and into my least favorite city in the U.S. That was an accomplishment in itself.

I know I won’t miss rando’s taking my picture, japanese style toilets, and soggy omelet type food, but I will miss the rush of being in this city more than any of that. It’s weird how I know how unfamiliar I’m going to feel in such a familiar place. I won’t have to think about how to say that in Japanese if I want to do something. I won’t have to bow or wonder what I’m ordering at a restaurant. It will be dirtier. It will be louder and more rude. I won’t be abnormal looking. Ugh. All of that seems so unfun to me. There are people I need to explore more of Tokyo with. There is so much I haven’t done. I had a farewell party tonight with my host family and we had some wonderful make-your-own sushi (they call it something else, but I can’t remember it) and Miho was talking to me about the people you meet when you study abroad and how they’re different from other people. They are. I love everyone back home and that is my family, but I met people I would have never spent time with before and people who made me grow even farther. I have loved this time and I will miss this break from reality, but I guess it’s time. That time was too short.

This city will forever be my home away from home in another country. I know good places to eat and where to see and what bars to go to. I know what parks are wonderful and what subway lines are a pain in the ass to take. I know how to give off the air of “don’t touch me” on the trains. I know how to read the kanji for the important places. I am an English-speaking Tokyo pro. What a joke. I’ve just figured out my way around this city as best I can. I made my way around a giant food area today looking for Jager and found it solely because I know the kanji for sake (alcohol 酒.) Nice. By the way Mom, I learned that in class. Japanese 1: Kanji for alcohol.

Well, I guess the moral of this story is…I’m going to miss Japan and everything that came with it, especially the people. I am not going to look forward to carrying my most likely overweight bags to my bus and then through the airport, but I’m game. Host mommy told me my bags were “Not Daijoobu” today. That is a direct quote, mixed English and Japanese (I guess I’m rubbing off on her.) So, I summoned Ryohei to my rescue for my literal 10 minute commute to the station where I’m taking my bus. Whatever. It gives me an excuse to see Ryohei again and give him the present I forgot to give him tonight. Good work Rebecca, as usual. Hopefully I will get those traveling mercies my friend Neah sent me. We’ll see. It is me and there always tends to be a glitch.

I remember the first couple times commuting by myself getting up out of my coveted seat to check to see if I was on the right train. Getting lost by myself can be an adventure, but also extremely inconvenient as I cannot find my way back by myself (reading maps is hard ok?) and I can’t speak Japanese very well. Now I know each train that leaves from Shinjuku and when. I know which one is the local, the express, and the semi-special express. I know that each of them goes to the stop I want to go to. I also know that my last train from Shinjuku is at 12:15, so if I don’t get there I have to weigh my options. There is so much I don’t know and will never know, which kind of drives me insane. I want to be able to fully understand. But it’s nice to know that I came so far, that I can find my way around Tokyo by myself and the help of the Tokyo Transfer Guide in English online (this is not cheating.) I also feel more comfortable at restaurants and stores ordering things and talking to people. I might not have great sentence structure skills, but I can usually get across what I want to say. I can understand more of what host mommy says to me too.

I have made friends that I don’t want to leave, I didn’t think that this would happen for some reason. My heart is no longer broken, far from it. My disappointments have made me stronger. My commutes and getting lost and wasting time and waiting for crowds have made me more patient. I hope. Although I won’t mind actually being able to get to a bathroom before I’m almost positive I’m going to pee my pants because I can’t get through the people. My adaptation into the culture has also made me in general more adaptable and more accepting of people in general. I like to think I’ve grown, I’ve been able to take care of myself more wholly. I don’t know if this is entirely true, but I’m sure it’s had some effect. I know that I will always be a little bit lost without the mountains, not just because they show me which direction is West. I’m more confident in myself. I have become a far worse speller. I catch myself writing words the wrong way all the time. Damn Engrish, it’s getting to me. Although, I do feel like I’ve gained confidence in my writing, maybe not the editing part so much. I just get lazy. I’ve also become a far less motivated student. I want to take my exploring to Spokane and go do more things instead of study. There are many things I’m looking forward to when I return, but I am so happy that I had the opportunity to live four months in Japan and find out all the things my mom never told me about this country and all the things she doesn’t remember.

This is all fairly cliche and sentimental, but cliches are a cliche for a reason and I’m kind of sentimental anyway. I’m just going to miss experiencing this life out of my comfort zone every single day. I guess I just need to plan the next adventure.

I arrived at the station at around three and Anna dressed my friend Momo and me in Yukata. It was so so hot. I was dripping sweat just standing there in a tank top and shorts, but we managed to get all Yukata’d up in the bathroom of the station. Classy. I wore one of Anna’s and she made the decision to not wear one because it was so hot. Great. We walked to the hanabi area, which took about 40 minutes probably because we stopped along the way to pick up food, drinks, ice cream because we were hot, etc. We had an area of two tarps and there was an incredible amount of people already. We picnicked and hung out for about three hours before the fireworks started. It was nice having the time with all these wonderful people before I left, although I probably should have been study. Whatever.

The fireworks started at 7:20 and it was amazing. Previously, the best fireworks I had ever seen were in Washington D.C. for Fourth of July. Those were pretty spectacular then. Now, I will never be able to look at fireworks in the states in the same way again. This was absolutely incredible. They lasted for over an hour and all of it seemed like the most epic grand finale ever. They had portions where it was set to music and everything. They do competitions and this was one of them. They had colors I had never seen before, they had shapes of some of the famous Japanese characters, they had extremely giant ones. They had fireworks that looked like absolute magic in the sky, fairy dust or something. It was spectacular. There were levels of fireworks too, like they had fountain like things at the bottom and another row of fireworks above, and another one above that. I wish I could explain this in a way that did what I saw justice. It was beautiful and loud and amazing. I was in awe for a solid hour and 10 minutes. It was really nice with Chiri’s fireworks commentary in the background. At one point there were really bright flashing ones, so I hear “Oh, I feel like I’m a model. Is this how models feel on the runways?” I turn around and of course, she’s model posing. Chiri, Tiff, and Anna were telling me that these were good, but this wasn’t even the best one. I’m not sure how it could get better, but I wish I could stay in Japan to find out. It’s just another one of those awesome traditions that is nonexistent in the states.

We had to wait for close to an hour to leave the area because it was so crowded with people. Chiri took advantage of this and decided to take a nap, so Japanese (the ability to sleep anywhere.) After that, we cleaned up, packed up, and set out. We made an adventure of the walk to the station with dancing, playing at parks, and Chiri taking pictures with random men. Nice. It was such a wonderful evening, especially since the wind started blowing and it wasn’t so deathly hot. I will miss nights like this and experiences like this, but I am so glad that I had the chance to have such a Japanese experience.

Tonight, I went to go meet Ryohei and Daigo, who are both originally friends from Gonzaga, but both moved back to Japan. Host Mommy called me to tell me I was sick and shouldn’t have gone out. Thanks for watching out Host Ma, but I am still 21-years-old and make bad decisions. This may be one of them, but I had to say goodbye to Daigo. I don’t think I will see him again, maybe ever. This was a sad realization I had when Daigo and Ryohei gave me a going away present, which was this beautiful wall-hanging thing. I don’t exactly know what to call it, I’m sure there’s a word for it in Japanese, but regardless it has a geisha and flowers and kanji and it is absolutely beautiful. I was so touched that they did this for me. I get to bring them back with me in a way. It again made me realize that inspite of this nasty cold, nasty weather, and nasty air conditioning, that I’m going to miss the people I have to leave behind in Tokyo. And on the way home I even saw a girl in tennis shoes high heels and a woman that had a dog on a leash that was carrying an unopened pack of Twining’s tea in it’s mouth. Oh, Tokyo I will miss you.

We had to take many an overheated elevator and make sure where they were, which isn’t always exactly where you want to be. It’s frustrating, not because it takes so much more time and because I had to wait, I didn’t care about that. But because this is a social justice issue. Everyone has to use these trains, they should make them more convenient for the people who are not as blessed with working legs. It made me angry that Koji had to worry so much about how to get around. He can’t take the trains to school in the morning because they are always so busy and they make people in wheelchairs wait because there is not enough room. The trains have an unusually large amount of space between them and the platform (probably close to a foot,) which makes it difficult for many wheelchairs to get in or out of the trains. I know it will always be more difficult to get around on wheels than on your feet, but I just wish that the stations were built to be more compatible for people. Anna was telling me that there are some places that it is just impossible to go to with a wheelchair via train. AAHHH! It just makes me so angry. If I were Koji, I would be so bitter. Yet, he makes the best of it and never complained. This involves patience on a daily basis that is hard for me to comprehend. Especially since I’m about ready to bash my air con in with a bat because I’m so angry that I’m so incredibly sick right now. I guess that means that’s something I need to work on.

Phew. I apologize for my rant. But this does start off my list of things I won’t miss. That is by far number one, ichi ban, I will not miss this is at all. I also will not miss..

2. The Rain: I love a good rainy day, in the middle of Colorado summer where every other day is sunny. When it downpours for six days in a row, not so much. I don’t appreciate going to school and coming home drenched from head to toe even though I’m using an umbrella. It is unpleasant. It is grey and depressing and makes it difficult to do things. It also perpetuates the ever present humidity of which you can already tell I am a huge fan of. I think I will be fine not worrying that my shoes may mold or wondering if I’m going to have to buy an umbrella that day because I forgot mine. Welcome back dry weather and driving.

3. Loudspeakers: Japanese people do not have yards in which to put campaign posters. They are not allowed to hang them in public really. Instead they found this really great alternative called shouting at obscene volumes through mega phones. It’s delightful, really. I don’t know how I lived without it for so long…………………………………………………NOT! It really is so obnoxious and I hate it sometimes they aren’t even stationary, they move in vehicles down the street doing this so they can bother even more people. I don’t even understand what they’re saying and it drives me nuts. I’m guessing if I did understand it would only make things worse. I will be glad that what will be loud at home will be music and basketball games.

4. No Trash Cans: I will not miss carrying my trash around for hours and then having to leave it in a locker because I am so fed up with trying to find a trash can. I don’t feel bad solely because they make it so incredibly inconvenient for you. I know this doesn’t coincide with the convenience thing, but there must be anomalies.

5. No Soap/Paper towels/toilet paper: Why the super clean Japanese choose to have bathrooms that don’t paper towels and sometimes don’t supply soap and toilet paper still baffles me. I love bathrooms that have all three of these things and don’t make you pay for toilet paper. That is just plain unfair and sexist in my opinion since I would quite enjoy toilet paper after a pee. I don’t want to have to carry around a wash cloth to dry my hands or free kleenex for the times that there is no toilet paper. It is just obnoxious. In less than two weeks I won’t have to.

6. Last Trains: I will not miss having to worry about last trains. I don’t enjoy having to interrupt my fun to literally book it through train stations. Although I do enjoy dodging Asians sometimes, I also would like to know that I won’t have to find something to do until five in the morning. I really hate being dependent on anything really, so I won’t miss having to depend on the trains, although they are a nice mode of transportation and always entertaining.

7. Texting: Japanese cell phones are great and high tech and incredibly convenient. If you are Japanese. If you are kanji illiterate, which I so am, they are a bitch to text on. I will not miss ABC texting with predictive text that only gives me capitalized words. I will not miss taking 10 minutes to write a simple text message. I also will not miss not being able to call people because it is so much more expensive. I will quite enjoy using a phone made for English speakers.

8. Bad Mexican Food: They just can’t seem to accomplish Mexican food well. I will not miss this. I want Mexican food.

Those are my horrendous problems with Japan. I’m sure there are other little details, but these are the things I dislike most. Oh, what a rough life.

1. Host Mommy: I’m sure this comes as no surprise to those who have been reading my blog. I love this woman. She can chat an ear off and most of the time I don’t understand most of it, but she is certainly a gem. My days will be a slightly more lack luster without her eccentricities and things like her telling me, “A small typhoon might be coming, so be carefuru.” I will miss her dinners and how she looks out for me and all her stories. It has been a gift to have been able to live with this woman for the past four months.

2. New Friends: I have made some wonderful friendships over the past several months. I will especially miss my Japanese friends and all they have taught me. I have been very blessed with being surrounded with such great people. Also, my J’s. Jake, Justine, Jake 2, Juliet. Those four foreigners have made this journey a great adventure. At first, I thought I wasn’t making friendships that would really mean anything, but these are people I will keep in touch with and now I’ll have friends not only across the states, but around the world. That is so incredible to me.

3. The Weirdness of Tokyo: I will miss the crossdressers, people in ridiculous outfits, dogs in kimonos, and everything else that is the epitome of Tokyo weirdness. There are so many things that I see on a regular basis that I would never see at home. Sometimes I become that weirdness, like when I brought home a cardboard/duct tape sword on the trains. Boulder only mildly rivals the weirdness that is Tokyo. I wish I could think of a perfect example right now, but apparently that is impossible.

4. Cleanliness: I will miss clean public restrooms and transportation as this does not happen nearly as often in the states. This is a weird thing to miss, but trust me. It’s cleaner.

5. Trains: It’s nice to be able to get everywhere without having to worry about how or parking. There are setbacks, which I will probably add to another blog about the things I won’t miss, which in theory is supposed to help me feel better about leaving, but probably won’t help at all. However, for the most part they fund a lot of my entertainment. I enjoy people running for the trains and either not making it, or making it way before they needed to and waiting out of breath for a solid few minutes before the doors shut. Also, sleeping people and drunk people on the trains. You would not believe the way these people sleep. They are even known to fall off the seats onto the floor. It’s hysterical. Oh, I also like to pretend I’m a celebrity in the train stations. I can’t believe I’m admitting this in my blog, but I put on my ipod and pretend like somehow I’m important on my way to school in the morning. It makes commuting so much more enjoyable.

6. Konbini: This is Conveini, short for Convenience store. They do not have the sound for V, hence konbini. 7-11, Mini Stop, Lawson, Family Mart, and Circle K as well as the assortment of others will be truly missed. They have it all. You can buy decent meals, drinks, snacks, candy, and onigiri (rice balls stuffed with various ingredients which are also something I will miss.) They also have ATM’s, fax machines, copiers, and sometimes are vendors for tickets. They are a staple in Tokyo life and are always there when I need a bathroom. It is so amazing what you can find at one of these stores. Gas stations so don’t compare.

7. Not Understanding: I would love to know the language and be able to interact with people in Japanese, but it does make things so much more interesting when you don’t understand a thing. It also creates a lot of adventures, which sometimes could be labeled as frustrations, but it’s kind of nice to not be able to understand people’s conversations. It makes everything a lot more neutral. I don’t find myself listening to the conversation and making judgments about the people, not that I try to do that at home, it’s just nice to not even have the option.

8. Convenience: I will miss how convenient everything is from the way food is ordered and delivered to the packaging on food. I will also miss the convenience of things being open 24 hours a day, knowing that if I run to practically any store at practically any hour it will be open or if I walk out my door and around the block that I will have everything I need or even want at my fingertips.

9. Culture: There is such a strong and rich culture here. I will miss seeing people in kimono and going to matsuri. I will miss the beautiful temples and shrines and learning about all the different traditions. I will miss izakaya’s where the idea is to drink and eat almost communally.

10. My Tourist Life: I am going to miss living in this interim period where I get to experience all these great things by having to go back to real life. I love being a pseudo-tourist and seeing all these great sights and experiencing all this unique food and getting lost in great neighborhoods. Maybe I’ll have to bring out my inner tourist when I return and find even more things to love about home too.

There is so much more that I will miss, mostly little things. I think it will be more apparent to me what I will miss when I get back, as I have for some reason been unable to pinpoint the specifics.

So, the ancestors had left, but there was one more day of the festival at Yasakuni Shrine. I already mentioned that it’s controversial, this is because this shrine is dedicated to about 2.5 million war dead. This is all well and good, except that incorporated into these 2.5 million there are 14 class A convicted war criminals. Not only are there good and innocent people whose souls are housed there, but also 14 people who committed terrible crimes. This especially infuriates the Asian neighbors (China and Korea) who were victims of these past wars. It is especially a problem when the Japanese Prime Minister’s go to visit, as if endorsing the acts of those 14 people. I think the point is for people to go and honor the innocent war dead, but this gets in the way. At this festival, there are a ton of lanterns hanging everywhere. They read the names of the places/companies/people that give money to the shrine. My Japanese friends said that one of them was saying that the government was giving this shrine money, like the people’s taxes were being used to pay for this. That is one of the problems with the shrine, because people don’t have a choice of whether to support it financially or not, they are doing it regardless of their feelings towards the shrine itself. They didn’t believe this was right. It was so interesting hearing them talk about it and trying to explain as best they could in English why this was wrong to them, why it bothered them. This adds such an interesting spin to the actual festival, which in itself was absolutely wonderful.

Like I said, there are lanterns everywhere and the day was beautiful. When the sun set, the sky was a gorgeous deep blue and the contrast of the yellow lanterns was in a way, dazzling. There were so many people there, some in Yukata (summer kimono) and so much festival food. It’s like a carnival only cleaner, busier, and you would never see a person dressed in a Pikachu outfit like I did. Oh, Japan. They also had music that included some intense big drums on this circular elevated stage. Around the circle of the stage there were people dancing. Apparently this is a well known or easy dance. Either way, I can’t do it, but everyone joins in. They circle around the stage and begin to dance together, old and young alike. It was beautiful in the way that in that moment there were so many strangers connected by one simple dance and beat of a drum. I’m going to miss these rich cultural experiences…

I thought this would be the answer. It’s a nice little place where mostly men go to relax. We were the only foreigners there, and I was one of three women. It’s located directly next to the station, on the river. It’s like a damned up part of the river they just throw a bunch of fish into. It’s like fishing out of fish filled dirty pools that reflection show you the wonderful yellow-striped Sobu-line train. How wonderfully outdoorsy is that? I just honestly don’t know if I’ll ever fully be a city girl. I would miss living at the foot of the mountains, fishing in a lake that reflected those mountains. Still so cool though. They give you rods and bait. By bait I mean they give you a ball of what I believe is semi-wet dog food. I’m not really sure, but that’s what it felt/smelled like.

The guy next to us was some sort of pro. He had a yellow visor and seriously caught approximately five fish in the first 10 minutes we were there. This was slightly depressing as we both had not caught anything. I almost went up to him and asked, “Please Master (or god of fishing), teach me your ways,” but I don’t know how to say that in Japanese. The first time I put my rod in I had a bite, but it got away. I had a few more nibbles and a lot of losing of bait. I made Jake promise me that I would catch a fish or otherwise I wouldn’t go in the first place. Yes, I realize that he cannot ultimately make that happen, but it made me feel better to think that I had a chance because he did promise. AND I CAUGHT ONE! This apparently isn’t a big accomplishment since yellow visor guy next to us caught 15+ in the time it took me to catch one, but I forgot how great of a feeling that was. I got to pull in the fish, and Jake instead of trying to help me by holding out the net, thought it was more important to take video of the scenario. He did end up getting the net and in went Fred. It was the first name that came into my head.

Poor Fred stayed alone for the rest of the time we were fishing. Jake didn’t catch it a friend. He said he felt emasculated. I just felt proud that I actually caught one. Sorry Jake. I almost had another two, but lost them. Oh, I should mention that Fred was a solid two feet long. Ok, that’s my fishing exaggeration for the day. Apparently, I had to catch six fish in order to get in for free. So I guess I need to go back and catch more, with my crazy good skills as a fisherwoman. Also, in all my excitement I didn’t take pictures, sorry! I guess in the next two weeks I will have to go back and relax in the sun, drink a beer or two, and catch six fish.